I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize