my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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