how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
