the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
