I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
