I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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