wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Randomize
