His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I had to cum in my sink.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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