I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
