I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
