Swine flu. Run for my life!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
