Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
