Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
