If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize