I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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