She went from zero to smokin in five shots
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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