I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
