they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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