Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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