Where are you?
In a non slutty way
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
