Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
