Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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