honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Randomize
