I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
