You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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