I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
