Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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