I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im holly from the hills drunk
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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