And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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