you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
