used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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