Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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