I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
