Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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