I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
