i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
