He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
