Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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