That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
