Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
