How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
