I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
