wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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