One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
