I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize