did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
