Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
