I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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