Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My penis needs a shock collar
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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