When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
