true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
