If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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