I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
