I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
