btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
