he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
