You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
