So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
