Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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