K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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