tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
