im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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