It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
