I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize