why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
