I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Randomize
