i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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