we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
