umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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