Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just had sex bonerless
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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