Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
