He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
