Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
