He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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