dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
