I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize