You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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