So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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