well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
