i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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