1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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