Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
