yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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