I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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