somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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