he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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