Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize