Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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