is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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