Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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