please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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