she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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