And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
