I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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