Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
