I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
