Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Randomize
