By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
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