Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
